His
by Castlelover26
Summary: Sad one-shot.


It was the first date with another woman he had in years. She was hot. But all she could talk about was how much she wanted to be an actress. She was self centered and really didn't care about Rick's life, only hers. Rick wondered what he ever saw in these kinds of women. They were egotistical, unintelligent people who would do anything to get into a famous writer's pants. After their dinner she asked if they were going back to his place. He told her that he was going back to his place and she was going home. He hailed her a taxi and gave her money for the ride and told the driver her address and closed the door. Rick was sad. Depressed. He didn't want to go home. It reminded him of her. Alexis moved out about 5 years ago so he had no one to go home to. He decided to take a walk. He thought of all the times they had together. He remembered their arguments, their makeup sex, and their kisses. He still felt her lips against his. His skin still tingled from her touch.

Nothing really cheered him up anymore. He was too depressed to write. He was too depressed to date. He was too depressed to do anything. He was surprised that he was still breathing and his heart was still beating. He decided to pay her a visit.

He walked a little more and found his destination. He walked through the arched gateway. He walked around for a little while and finally found it. He sat on the ground and just stared at the headstone for a while. Then he decided to talk to her. Sure she couldn't hear him but he needed to talk to someone.

"Hey beautiful" he said, as tears welled up in his eyes, "I miss you...a lot... so much it hurts... I-I don't know how I am able to get up each morning. I don't know how I'm still living and breathing. It feels so wrong to be able to take another breath while you took your last one while lying in my arms." He was sobbing; he ran his fingers along the lettering tracing her name. The stone read "In memory of Katherine Beckett (Castle). A wonderful police officer, Wife and friend. 1978-2011".

He wished she was still here. He wanted to hold her once last time. He wanted to kiss her, make love to her, hug her just one more time. He started to shake.

"Kate... I wish you were still here... everyone misses you...I'm just so glad you're with your family again" Kate's dad had died two years ago from a heart attack. Rick heard a voice that sounded just like her, that said "it's not family without you. I miss you so much, but you have to move on baby"

"How am I supposed to move on?" Rick asked, "How am I supposed to move on while my soul mate, the only person I truly loved, and who truly loved me is gone? Never coming back. I'm surprised I'm still living. You know I don't like coming to cemeteries. They make me feel weak. But I just had to come talk to you." Even after she passed Rick could still hear her voice when he did things. He still sees her eye roll when he does something Beckett eye roll worthy. He heard her voice inside his head again.

"Rick. You know going to graveyards doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong" That confused Rick. How in the hell would going to a cemetery be being strong?

"How?" he asked her,

"It proves that you still remember. That you are able to continue to live even after the person you love so, SO much is going. Some people can't handle it, but you Rick? You're amazingly strong." Rick smiled, he remembered all the heart to heart's he had with her.

"I learned from the best" he smiled. Strength was one of her strong traits. She was the strongest person rick knew. She was able to put a smile on after a hard case even though she was seconds away from bawling her eyes out. "I love and miss you so much Kate. It's hard to continue living when your life has been ripped apart."

"I know babe, I know. I love and miss you so much too." Rick smiled; she always knew how to make him smile. Even on his worst days.

"I better go home." He said "it's getting late. I'll be back next week baby girl. I love you so much... goodbye..." he said as more tears ran down his face.

Rick got up and started walking out of the cemetery. He hailed and cab and went home. When Rick got home he kicked off his shoes and hung of his coat. He grabbed himself a glass of scotch. He walked into his office and turned on his laptop. For the first time since he saw his wife slowly fade away in his arms, he wrote. He wrote all night long.

Even though she was gone. She was still with him. She was still his muse, his inspiration, his love, his life. But most of all. Just his.


End file.
